


Midwifery for Dummies

by knittyknicker



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Childbirth, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 02:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knittyknicker/pseuds/knittyknicker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trapped in an unknown place and your only companion is a villain with unreliable abilities. At least it won't get <em>worse<em></em></em>?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midwifery for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when TLC plays Baby Story marathons. Sorry.

“If you hadn’t grabbed me, none of this would be happening.”

“Loki, -slow down for pete’s sake!- you’re sitting at the top of a short list of the people that SHIELD most wants to talk to. Did you really think I wouldn’t try to take you in when I was you earlier?”

Loki slams to a halt, spinning to face Steve and pointing an agitated finger in his direction. “I was only out to pick up a few things. It isn’t as though I was invading New York. Again. All I wanted was some almond croissants. It was supposed to take a few minutes, but no, you show up and now it's all gone to hell.” Waving an irate hand, Loki continues, “We need to figure out how to get home. I really can’t be trapped here any longer.” And with that declaration, Loki whirls and stalks off. 

Steve marvels that he even knows what an irate hand looks like, wondering if it’s the result of too much time around Tony before he shrugs and follows him, struggling to keep up even with his increased speed and endurance. He knows that Loki is frustrated with the situation, and it isn’t like Steve’s having all that much fun, but he can’t quite get a fix on why he seems so frantic to get back home. 

He finally catches up to Loki in time to see him scratch a line beside two others. 

“What are you doing?”

“Marking how many times we’ve gone through this intersection. This makes three, in case you were wondering.”

“Hmm, I can see that.”

Loki doesn’t respond and Steve looks over to see him curled over and clutching his hands against his midsection. Steve wonders if Loki is injured, idly considering how it might have happened considering that Loki’s been largely absent for the past few months. After a moment, Loki straightens and smoothes his hair back from where it had fallen over his forehead. 

“You know, you could just magic us back to where we were before.”

“Why, Captain, I’m so glad you thought of that. Somehow, I had completely overlooked that possibility in the _four hours ___since we ended up in this labyrinth.”

“Well why the hell haven’t you done it?”

“If I were, I certainly wouldn't take you with me so that you could try to imprison me again, and right now, using my magic is as likely to land us in a worse situation as it is to help.”

“Why?”

“My magic has been markedly unreliable lately, for the past several months, in fact.”

Steve is tempted to start up the your fault argument again but decides to simply move on. As he opens his mouth to respond, Loki once more curls in on himself and Steve watches as he seems to shimmer, losing definition before regaining his solid edges. Loki whines softly, panting out air and slowly uncurling. As he does, Steve’s eyes trace down his body, looking for injury. He doesn’t see any spreading blood, but his eyes lock on something that it takes his brain several long seconds to set to words. 

Loki looks... swollen, his abdomen taut and rounded under his rib cage. Steve wonders if this is the reason for his hiatus and tries to think of what could have possibly caused it before he remembers that Loki isn’t precisely human and Steve’s knowledge of Asgardian physiology is pretty much nil. 

For a moment, his mind is dragged back to the calls he used to attend with his mother when someone needed his mother help while he watched the other children. The memory of tired, sweaty faces and swollen bellies and shrieking voices rattle around in his brain. Steve wonders if there is any chance that Loki might... but surely not. It’s too absurd to think and Steve shoves the memories back in their box. 

Loki watches his face with a shrewd look and opens his mouth to smart off just as another wave of pain hits and he crumbles, Steve fumbling to catch him before he strikes the stone floor. They stand, Loki slumped against Steve’s chest as he pants out quick short bursts of air. For just a moment, Steve can feel the ripple of Loki’s muscles from where his swollen stomach rests against Steve’s belly button and in that second, he realizes that Loki _is ___pregnant, and not only is he pregnant, he’s in labor.

“Loki, are you _pregnant ___?” And wow, it feels just as silly saying out loud as it did in his head.

“Yes, obviously.”

“So Asgardian men are capable of childbearing?”

“No, not Asgardian. I, however, am.”

“Right.” 

No point in quibbling over semantics and Steve takes a moment to let the weird soak in as he wonders how this is even his life. He was just a guy who wanted to be an artist and start a family and now he’s trapped in a never ending series of identical hallways with a pregnant god that is as likely to throttle him as speak to him. Right indeed. 

He lowers his arms from Loki’s waist but stays close, waiting for the next contraction to hit. When it does, he tucks Loki under his chin and sways slowly, letting Loki ride it out without speaking. As it subsides, he puts a hand on Loki’s back and speaks,

“C’mon, let’s keep moving. We need to find somewhere for you to deliver since this little one seems awfully keen to meet you. 

Loki follows, but his voice trembles a bit when he speaks. “This shouldn’t be happening yet. I should have another few months.” 

Steve counts backward in his head before he realizes that he’s using the nine month time line and asks “How long is your pregnancy supposed to be then?”

“According to the texts I was able to find, a normal pregnancy for me should be roughly thirteen earth months.”

“And you’re how far along?”

“This is the middle of my tenth month.”

“Right.”

~~~

When Loki’s contractions are coming every five minutes, they finally find a room that looks like either a mostly unused storage room or a gym. Steve spares a moment to be grateful that the power is still working before walking over to a stack of what looks like canvas sheeting. 

He pulls the top piece loose and checks the material. Too heavy and likely not absorbant, but usable as the base of a pallet. Dragging a few of the pieces the the center of the room, he resumes his search. He finds a chest full of winter gear, mainly parkas and gloves with a few caps tucked away at the bottom, and he gathers up the jackets, adding them to the pile. The search takes longer than he would like as he has to stop looking every time a contraction hits, rubbing Loki’s back gently as they wait for it to pass.

On the last wall of the room, he hits the jackpot, finding a stash of rubbing alcohol, a scalpel, a ball of cotton string and three violently orange fleece blankets among a muddle of other odds and ends tucked in an abandoned looking file cabinet. 

At this point Loki’s contractions are coming pretty close together and Loki’s face is eerily blank.

“Hey, c’mon, you’ll be fine. It isn’t like this is your first rodeo and I’ve helped with a couple births. Admittedly human birth but beggars can’t be choosers, right?”

“While you might have some familiarity with the process, I do not.” 

“But, the myths--”

“Are just that. I have never been pregnant before, and I certainly wouldn’t allow my children to be stripped from me if I did. Think. I tried to destroy an entire world to get my father’s _attention ___. What makes you think I wouldn’t reduce Asgard to its component parts in defense of my children?”

For a moment, Steve thinks that none of his mother’s lessons on this type of thing are going to help and he’s going to be responsible for the destruction of the planet after Loki goes on a rampage if this all goes belly up. Wrestling his burgeoning hysteria back, he takes a deep breath and tries to take stock. 

“So, just to sum it up, you’re in labor, but it’s too early. We have no idea where we are, though it’s likely that SHIELD will track my comm to find us. Labor’s getting closer to the end but neither of us know what to expect. We found a place and enough supplies to get us through assuming no complications arise, and we at least have food and water since I ran into you after a grocery run. Did I miss anything major?”

“I never did get my almond croissants.”

~~~

At this point, they’ve been missing for nearly twelve hours and Steve knows that they won't reach them in time. Gritting his teeth, he tells Loki,

“ I need to get you undressed. Your contractions are right on top of one another and I need to know what we’re looking at. Is your body capable of a--” he stumbles over the word vaginal quickly swapping it for another “--natural delivery?”

“It should be, but I am unable to tell as the contractions are considerably more intense than I was expecting. In all likelihood they have masked any of the pain from shifting.”

“Well then, we’ll just take a quick look.”

Getting him settled, Steve drapes a blanket over his lap before working the laces of Loki’s pants open. Sliding his fingers under the waistband, he gently pulls as Loki lifts his hips, allowing the leather to slide free. Steve takes a moment to fold the pants carefully, stalling even as he knows they need to know what is going on. Taking one of the bottles of alcohol, he pours it over his hands, shaking the excess off.

Steve takes a deep breath and looks at Loki.

“Do me a favor and slide your legs up so they’re bent and put your feet together. Then let your knees fall out, like a butterfly, OK? Right now, I’m just going to look. I’ll let you know if I need to touch.”

Loki does as requested, Steve watching the shift of his legs under the fleece fabric. Steeling himself, Steve breathes out and carefully folds the blankets up, exposing Loki’s groin. At first, the area looks entirely male, and Steve feels a moment of panic, knowing that they are absolutely unequipped for any surgical intervention. Loki’s magic is out too and his stomach sinks at the thought of having to tell Loki. 

Just as he fears that his earlier concerns of world destruction may not be as crazy as he thought, another contraction rips through Loki’s frame and Steve watches as Loki’s body shifts, scrotum retracting and skin stretching to form what looks like a slit just under the base of his penis. Steve stares at the change and it takes Loki snapping at him to pull his gaze away.

“Well?”

“Um, it looks like your body is doing its own thing. I guess the best thing to do is let nature take its course. C’mon, lets get you up and moving.”

“No. This hurts and I’m alone, and I’m not getting up.”

“Yeah, I know you don’t want to, but gravity will help speed things along and give you something to do instead of counting ceiling tiles until you’re through. Plus, you’re not alone. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” Grabbing carefully, Steve pulls Loki into a seated position. 

“We should probably get rid of your jacket too. Are you wearing a shirt underneath?”

“Yes. It will likely fall low enough to keep the rest of me covered as well.”

Steve can’t help the relief he feels at that, since even though he knows that Loki’s pants aren’t really an option, the thought of helping a half naked, pregnant, male god labor with nothing to cover himself makes his face burn a brilliant red. 

“Alright, you set the pace and stop when you need to. If you feel the urge to push let me know right away.”

“Alright Captain, let us begin.”

~~~

It feels like they walk for hours, Loki stopping to clutch at Steve's arms every so often, whining under his breath and cursing the other father. After a few of the more explicit descriptions, Steve takes a moment to wonder if the things that Loki threatens are even physically possible. And then the _pregnant man ___in his arms shudders through another contraction and Steve stops wondering.

Finally, after an especially brutal contraction manages to wring a scream out of the trickster, he pants out that he needs to push. Steve leads him back to the pallet and encourages him to kneel. Steve circles around to face Loki. 

“I need to check you again and this time, I’m going to need to touch.” 

Loki nods his permission, panting through another contraction as Steve once more rinses his hands. Carefully, Steve kneels and slips one hand under Loki’s body to feel for the birthing opening. “I’m going to touch you now.” 

Steve slips two fingers in, pressing upward, trying to determine if the baby’s head has slipped into position. His fingers encounter hair and he lets out a relieved sigh. Sliding his fingers free, he looks at Loki’s face and smiles. 

“The baby is right there. Just a few good pushes and you’ll have them in your arms.” Steve stands, reaching for the alcohol and rinsing his hands again. 

“Stay on your knees. If you need to, drop down onto your hands as well. When you feel the urge, push and I’ll count you through. I’ll be right here.”

Steve lowers himself behind Loki, kneeling as well. Loki rides out two more contractions, body tense and rigid as he fights to remain upright. 

“If you want, you can lean back against me. You’re doing really well, we’re almost there.” 

They get through the next few contractions like that, Loki slumped against Steve’s chest, as he whispers encouragement and counts out the contractions. On the third one, Loki grunts and Steve feels the muscles of his abdomen lock up as he pushes one more time against the pain in his body. Steve lowers himself behind Loki, tucking a shoulder against the small of his back. Steve carefully touches Loki’s thighs and warns Loki.

“I’m gonna check again. Can you lean onto your hands?”

Loki does and Steve knows they are almost done. This time, he doesn’t have to put his fingers in at all. The hair that he had only felt before was now visible, a bright red against Loki’s stretched skin. Steve took a shaky breath. 

“Couple more hard pushes. I can see your little one and they have red hair. Beautiful.”

Loki takes in a huge breath and pushes, crying out at the burn of his child passing through. As Steve watched, the head slipped completely free and he placed a gentle hand on Loki’s back. 

“Stop for a moment.” Using his pinky, Steve carefully cleared the baby’s mouth. “Alright,one last push.”

Loki tenses again, pushing hard enough to make his limbs shake. The feeling of his child slipping free from his body pulls a shriek from his throat and he slumps forward, pressing his face against the blanket below him. Steve’s hands extend, catching the child carefully as he cradles it against his chest. Carefully laying the baby on the blanket, he strips off his button up and t-shirt, using the soft cotton to wipe away the fluids covering it. 

Steve is surprised to see a belly button but no umbilical cord, but shrugs it off in favor of getting the baby cleaned up and turned over to Loki, who is beginning to look concerned at the continuing silence. He checks the baby over, notes that it seems to be perfectly fine, aside from its silence, and wraps it snugly in the fleece blanket he had waiting. 

Steve then turns to Loki, helping the tired man turn over and lower himself carefully. He props him up using the parkas and a few more canvas sheets and then returns to the child. Carefully, Steve lifts the bundle and turns back to Loki. 

“Loki, I’d like you to meet your son. He’s perfect, if a bit more quiet than his father.”

Pulling his tired body up once more, Loki cradles the baby against his chest, running his fingers over his child’s head, marveling at how perfectly formed he is. He looks up at Steve, and Steve is surprised to see tear tracks on Loki’s cheeks. 

“ After he was born, there was no cry. There’s always a cry in the TV shows and movies that show childbirth.”

“Well, usually babies cry at the shock of the outside world, but usually babies are human and born to a woman, so all things considered I guess it isn’t that shocking that things went a bit differently. Now,why don’t you rest for a while ad I’ll clean up some. Someone should show up to find us soon.”

“Yes, I believe a rest would be a good idea.”

Both men are as good as their words, Steve slipping back into his button up before tidying the supplies away and Loki falling into an exhausted sleep, the baby cradled against his chest securely. 

~~~

Shortly after Steve finishes cleaning, he hears a voice calling his name and steps into the hallway, pulling the door mostly closed behind him to keep Loki from waking. Walking toward the voice, he struggles to determine who it is as the hallways warp the sound and rob it of its recognizability. 

Cautiously rounding a corner, he finds an vaguely familiar man, side arm out, waiting. 

“If you’re ready, we need to get going. You’ve been missing for twenty-two hours and Fury is curious as to why.”

“Wait, we need medical too. Loki dragged us both here when his magic misfired and he went into labor. I left him and the child resting in a room up the hall.”

At the news, the agent’s eyebrows shoot up before he snaps his gun up, aiming down the hallway that Steve came from. 

“What are you doing? Loki just gave birth. I don’t think he’s in any condition to threaten us right now.”

“Standing orders are to bring him in.” The man waves Steve aside with the barrel of his weapon and carefully makes his way down the hall. Looking toward Steve, he nods at the mostly closed door, asking if this is the room. Steve doesn’t respond, standing with his arms crossed and a scowl stretching his lips down. 

The agent pushes the door open and slips in, sweeping his weapon across the empty room. 

“Nothing. You’re sure he was here?”

“Of course. It isn’t like this sort of thing happens to me often enough to forget.”

“Well, he isn’t here now.”

As the agent speaks, he reholsters the weapon and turns back to the door. “Time to go, Captain.”

Steve takes a moment to look around the room, noticing that the fleece blankets and his t-shirt are missing before he snags his canvas grocery sack and follows him from the room. 

~~~

A week later, Steve is sitting at the table in the Avenger's kitchen when Clint walks in and flips an envelope at Steve. 

“This was laying on the table. No one saw who delivered it and even JARVIS didn’t have any clue how it arrived. Think it’s about your time in the wind?”

“They didn’t confiscate the envelope as soon as it showed up then? Aren’t they worried I’ll disappear again?”

“Nah, we didn't tell ‘em. Tony cleaned out the last SHIELD bug last weekend and they haven’t had any excuse to get in to replace them yet.”

Steve can’t believe the way that SHIELD refuses to accept that it wasn’t a malicious attack, and he wonders if they think he’s compromised in the same way that Clint was. Shaking his head at the unanswerable question Steve slips a finger under the envelope’s seal and carefully opens the envelope. Sliding the card free, he sees that it’s one of those fancy baby announcements that seem to be popular. Turning it rightside up, he traces the photo of the sleeping baby balanced on slender fingers before reading the words.

Tiny yawns and sleepy sighs,  
nursery rhymes and lullabies.  
~~~~~~~~~  
Announcing the arrival of  
GEIR STEVEN LOKISON  
Born 27 April, 2013  
6 pounds 13 ounces  
181/2 inches  
Proud Parents  
LOKI LIESMITH & THOR ODINSON


End file.
